Myth #1 Asking for consent ruins the mood

False: There are ways to turn them on AND get consent 🔥

Getting clear, enthusiastic consent doesn’t need to be a mood killer.  In fact, when it’s done right it can be a huge turn on. 😍

Here are some fun things you could try:

• Hold their face gently, look them in the eye and ask “May I kiss you?”
• Ask “where do you want to be kissed next?” and make them list different body parts for you to keep exploring
• Tease them! Stop what you’re doing and playfully say “I will only keep touching you if you tell me exactly what you want”. 
• “Tell me your hottest fantasy” - this is also fun to text each other.
• Mid passion, stop and whisper what you’d like to do to them; eg “Do you like having your hands held above your head?”
• Ask “what would make this feel even better?”
• Massage and tease their butt and say “I will only spank you if you beg for it”
• Ask “Do you like it when I play with your X like this?”
• Tell them to “Put my hand where you want it”

Alice Child
Somatic Sexologist and Sex Coach
@AliceChildOfficial

Myth #2 You should be wet if you’re turned on

False: It’s normal for your body not to respond when you’re mentally and emotionally in the mood.💧 

Sometimes we can be very turned on and our body doesn’t respond the way we want it to. When this happens, someone might feel that there is something ‘wrong’ with them or that they don’t ‘get wet enough’ on their own. This is called arousal non-concordance - and it’s all very normal. 

One go-to is to reach for a bottle of lube and handy for all kinds of sexual activity. It makes things much more slippery, more sensitive, most of all, much more pleasurable! This is something you’ll want to have in your nightstand. 

It can be used anywhere on the body and is essential for a great massage anywhere on the body – really, we mean anywhere. On top of that, it promotes safe sex! 😍

Alice Child
Somatic Sexologist and Sex Coach
@AliceChildOfficial

Myth #3 Women should come with penetration alone

False: Most women and vulva-owners do not orgasm from penetrative sex alone💥

Depending on which study you read, around 80% of women need some form of external clitoral stimulation (hands, vibration, tongue, grinding, etc.) in order to reach orgasm. 

Plus, people who do come with penetration are getting a lot of stimulation on the internal clitoris via the clitoral bulbs and/or legs. So really, both penetrative and external orgasms are BOTH clitoral orgasms - you are just stimulating different parts. 🤯

Lastly, remember that all kinds of sex (intercourse, outercourse, oral, anal, fingering, etc.) is sex. Just because there isn’t P-to-V penetration or orgasm does not mean it isn’t ‘sex’.

Alice Child
Somatic Sexologist and Sex Coach
@AliceChildOfficial

Myth #4 Painful Sex is Normal

False: Sex should never be painful. 🙅‍♀️ Far too many women and vulva-owners endure or tolerate painful sex because they think it’s normal.

If you are experiencing painful sex, please see a health professional. It is often treatable and could be caused by an underlying physical health condition. Common causes include vaginismus, endometriosis, abdominal surgery or scar tissue, menopause/vaginal dryness, birth trauma, UTIs/STIs, nerve damage, or vulvodynia.

Painful sex can also be caused if you are not getting desirable or pleasurable touch. This is why sexual communication is so important and learning how to listen to your own body. 

You deserve happy, healthy, pleasurable sex, that is always free of unpleasant pain. ❤️

Alice Child
Somatic Sexologist and Sex Coach
@AliceChildOfficial

Myth #5 Lesbian bed death

False: Long-term couples of all kinds experience a drop in sexual activity. 🛌

“Lesbian bed death" refers to when lesbians in long-term relationships have sex extremely infrequently or stop having it altogether.  

It could be traced back to a 1983 study that reported that lesbian couples had sex less often than other couples (hetero/married, hetero/cohabitating, gay males).

This conclusion became a point of contention within the social psychology community. Criticisms pointed to the demographic of the respondents, the ambiguous and phallocentric wording of the survey questions, or even the finding's reliance on gender socialization theory. And, what is considered "sex" anyway? 

More modern research on the topic shows that all long-term couples, regardless of sexual orientation, experience a drop in sexual activity. In short, it's not just a lesbian thing.😊

Serena Lo
Klero, Founder
@ByKlero

Myth #6 To properly clean your vagina, you need to douche

False: You do NOT need to douche. Actually, douching is HARMFUL for your vaginal health.

It has chemicals that can be harmful to your sensitive tissue (such as vinegar or iodine) and kills important natural vaginal bacteria.

As a result, douching makes it more, likely for you to have vaginal infections such as BV (Bacterial Vaginosis), yeast infections, and PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease), which can lead to pain, infertility, and ectopic pregnancy.

There are also some studies showing it might increase your risk for cervical and ovarian cancer. It also damages the lining of the vagina so women may experience more vaginal dryness and pain with sex.

The vagina is a self-cleaning organ. You do not need to do anything special to clean it other than rinsing with warm water on the outside (your vulva). You do not need to use fingers, towels, or other tools to deep clean inside your vagina. Do not use strong or scented body soap in that area.

Dr. Tong (Toni) Liu, MD 
Former Gynecologist, Sex Educator, Coach 
@DrTooni

Myth #7 You don't need a Pap Smear if you've never had sex

False: You need a Pap Smear test starting at age 21, regardless of your sexual activity status!

A Pap Smear tests for abnormal cells that could turn into cervical cancer, and even lifelong virgins can develop cancer.

Sexual activity can increase your risk of developing cervical cancer if you are exposed to certain high risk types of HPV (Human Papilloma Virus). HPV is a type of STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection). But if you never have sex, it does not mean you can never get cervical cancer.

Please go see your doctor or women's care provider when you turn 21 years old to talk through your options. A Pap Smear test can be scary, especially if you've never experienced any sexual activity, but a sensitive provider can take you through the process gently (and you can even ask for them to use smaller tools).

Dr. Tong (Toni) Liu, MD 
Former Gynecologist, Sex Educator, Coach 
@DrTooni

Myth #8 You're not bisexual if you’ve only been one gender

False: Bisexuality speaks to a romantic and/or sexual attraction, not your experience. 

In fact, someone can be bi even if they've never had any sexual encounters with anyone at all. One’s attraction can be more expansive than their current lived experience. 

G Stone
Sexologist, Dating & Relationship Coach 
@HeyGStone

Myth #9 Bisexuals can’t be monogamous

False: Monogamy has nothing to do with one’s sexual orientation.

Monogamy is a relationship dynamic where an individual is exclusively committed to one partner. On the other hand, heterosexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality, etc. are sexual orientations.

There are heterosexuals, pansexuals, homosexuals, etc. that practice monogamy, while some others are non-monogamous. A bisexual person can be committed to one partner yet attracted to others - just like any other sexual orientation.

G Stone
Sexologist, Dating & Relationship Coach 
@HeyGStone

Myth #10 All bisexuals love threesomes

FALSE: Some bisexuals are interested in threesomes and some aren’t...but this applies to ALL orientations.

Having an attraction to multiple gender identities does not mean that there is a desire or interest in having a sexual experience with multiple people at the same time. There are heterosexual people that participate in threesomes (or moresomes), while there are also bisexuals who do not enjoy such activities.   

G Stone
Sexologist, Dating & Relationship Coach 
@HeyGStone